To make it manageable, we approach one person at a time and one event at a time.
When I looked at my Step Eight list, I felt paralyzed. It seemed like a mountain of guilt that I had to climb all at once. My perfectionism kicked in—I wanted to do a 'bulk apology' to the universe and be done with it. But bulk apologies are usually about relieving my own anxiety, not honoring the person I hurt. They are cheap.
Approaching one person at a time forces me to be present. I have to look at that specific relationship, that specific harm, and that specific person's humanity. It costs me time and emotional energy. I can't rush through it to get to the 'feeling good' part. But this slow pace is where the healing happens. It teaches me patience. It reminds me that people are not items on a to-do list to be checked off. They are souls I collided with, and each collision deserves its own repair.
Practice
I can look at my list today and pick just one name—perhaps the one that feels least threatening. I can draft the opening sentence of that conversation on a piece of paper. Starting small breaks the paralysis of looking at the whole mountain.
Today’s Reminder
Rushing through amends treats people like tasks; slowing down treats them like souls.
