Keeping it simple is important. Having an action plan is equally important.
I have a tendency to over-explain. When I plan an amend, my head starts writing a screenplay where I explain my motives, my background, and my stress levels, hoping to soften the blow. This isn't an amend; it's a defense attorney's closing argument. Keeping it simple is hard because simplicity leaves me exposed. I have to say 'I did this, and it was wrong,' without the buffer of excuses.
Having an action plan protects me from my own rambling. It serves as a boundary. If I don't know exactly what I'm going to say, I will likely say too much and accidentally blame the other person. The discipline of simplicity forces me to focus entirely on my side of the street. It feels rigid at first, but it prevents the chaos that created the need for amends in the first place.
Practice
Before a difficult conversation, I can write my amends on a notecard: three sentences max. I can read it to my sponsor. If they say it sounds defensive or too long, I can cut it in half before I deliver it to the person involved.
Today’s Reminder
Explanations are often just justifications wearing a tuxedo.
