We cannot undo our past, and we cannot expect those we approach to respond positively, but we can admit our part and do whatever is possible to mitigate the consequences of our past errors.
Last week, I reached out to make an amend for an event that happened years ago. I secretly hoped my admission would erase the past and fix the relationship instantly. It didn't. The other person was still hurt and skeptical. My defect of pride wanted to say, 'But I'm apologizing! Shouldn't that be enough?' I had to remember that I cannot undo the past. The vase is broken; glue doesn't make it new.
Step Nine asks me to mitigate consequences, not rewrite history. The emotional cost of this Step is accepting that some damage is permanent. That hurts. However, the spiritual relief comes from knowing I have done what is possible today. I am no longer adding to the debris pile. I am learning to stand in the discomfort of unfixable situations without hating myself. I leave the results to God and focus simply on stopping the harm now.
If I make an amend and the reaction is negative, I can physically retreat to a quiet place—even a bathroom stall—and breathe. I can visualize handing their reaction to my Higher Power, saying, 'This is theirs to carry, not mine. I have done my part.'
Today’s Reminder
I make amends to clear my channel to God, not to control the other person's feelings.
Carry this peace in your pocket.
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Curated by members of the Al-Anon community for Daily Growth, LLC. Grounded in the Twelve Steps and the contemplative tradition of Al-Anon.