Principles Above Personalities

Before Al-Anon I was very good at dismissing people. If someone annoyed me I stopped listening to them. If someone disagreed with me I wrote them off. If someone seemed less educated or less sophisticated than me I didn't take them seriously. I sorted people into categories of worth and only paid attention to those I deemed worthy.

Our recovery and the health of our groups is assured when we place principles above personalities. This practice reversed everything I'd been doing. Instead of evaluating people first and then deciding whether to listen I started listening for principles regardless of personality. The person who drives me crazy might share exactly what I need. The member I find difficult might offer wisdom I can use.

This isn't easy. My personality-focused habits are strong. I still catch myself dismissing people based on how they look or sound or what they believe about things unrelated to recovery. But I'm getting better at noticing when I'm doing this and redirecting my attention to principles instead.