Many Al-Anon members, having completed their Fourth Steps, already have a list of persons they have harmed. Looking at our Fourth Step inventory provides us with a base to build on.
I've been dreading starting Step Eight because I thought I'd have to create an entirely new inventory from scratch. Another months-long process of examining my life and relationships. But my sponsor pointed out something I'd missed: I already did most of this work in Step Four.
Many Al-Anon members having completed their Fourth Steps already have a list of persons they have harmed. Looking at our Fourth Step inventory provides us with a base to build on. Already have. I don't have to start from nothing. In Step Four I identified my resentments - which revealed who I've harmed through those resentments. I examined my fears - which showed where I've hurt others trying to control outcomes. I looked at my character defects - which exposed the damage my people-pleasing and controlling have caused.
Step Eight isn't asking me to do Step Four again. It's asking me to look at that inventory through a different lens. Not what character defects do I have but who have I harmed through them. Not what are my resentments but how did those resentments cause me to hurt others. The foundation is already built. Now I'm constructing the next level.
Practice
I can pull out my Step Four inventory today. Go through each resentment and ask: Who did I harm while holding this resentment? Go through each fear and ask: Who did I hurt trying to control this outcome? The answers become my Step Eight list.
Today’s Reminder
Step Four already revealed who I've harmed.
