Advising Is Not Al-Anon

My instinct when someone shares a problem is to offer advice. Have you tried...? You should... If I were you... Giving advice feels like love. It feels like helping. So when Al-Anon suggested I stop, it felt like being asked to stop caring.

But I started noticing something uncomfortable. When I gave advice and people didn't take it, I got frustrated. When they took it and it didn't work, I felt responsible. My "help" had strings attached — I needed it to work so I could feel useful. Then someone told me that unsolicited advice is just criticism in a helpful voice. That stopped me cold. Because they were right — underneath "you should try this" is often "what you're doing isn't working." No wonder people pulled away when I was trying to help.

Sharing my experience instead lets me offer something without telling anyone they're wrong. And it lets me care without needing to control the outcome.