Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting another group or Al-Anon or Alateen as a whole.
I used to think that "loving" someone meant preventing them from making mistakes. If I saw my sister heading toward a bad decision or my adult son ignoring a bill, I’d swoop in with advice, money, or a "better" plan. I called it being helpful, but it was really a form of governance. Tradition Four taught me about autonomy, and I realized that my interference was actually a theft.
Every time I prevented a consequence, I was robbing the people I loved of their right to learn, to grow, and to own their own lives. I was telling them, through my actions, that I didn't believe they were capable without me. Stepping back and letting them make their own decisions—even the ones I'm sure will fail—is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it is also the only way to treat them with the dignity they deserve. Love isn't a management contract; it's a respect for the journey someone else is on.
Practice
When I'm tempted to intervene in someone's choices, I can pause and ask: am I respecting their dignity, or am I saying I don't believe they can handle this without me?
Today’s Reminder
Letting someone be wrong is sometimes the most loving thing I can do.
