The expression 'look before you leap' applied to me when I came to Step Eight. The word from Step Eight that I focused on was willing.
I've always been impulsive. When I feel something I act on it immediately. When I have an idea I execute it before thinking it through. When I'm hurt I react fast. This pattern has caused most of the harm on my Step Eight list - words spoken in anger I couldn't take back, decisions made rashly that hurt others, reactions I never thought through.
The expression look before you leap applied to me when I came to Step Eight. The word from Step Eight that I focused on was willing. Look before leap. This slows me down in a way I desperately need. Before I can make amends I have to look - really examine what I did and why. I have to think about my behavior instead of just reacting to my shame about it. I have to become willing instead of just leaping into apologies that might cause more harm.
The word willing forces me to pause. I can't just call everyone on my list and start apologizing impulsively. I have to look at what my amends might actually be. Some people need me to acknowledge harm and change behavior. Some need me to make financial restitution. Some need me to respect boundaries I violated. Some might need me to stay away. Looking before leaping means becoming willing for the right amends not just any amends. My impulsiveness created the harm. Willingness with discernment creates the healing.
Practice
Before I make any amends, I can look first. For one person on my list, write: What harm did I actually cause? What would appropriate amends look like? What might cause more harm? I can discuss this with my sponsor before leaping. The looking and becoming willing precedes the action.
Today’s Reminder
Willingness requires looking not just leaping.
