One source of frustration we seldom recognize is in expecting too much of others or expecting too specifically what we feel they ought to be, say, give or do.
I've been examining why I'm so angry at certain people on my potential Step Eight list. My adult daughter who doesn't parent the way I think she should. My friend who didn't show up for me how I expected. My sponsor who didn't give me the support I felt I needed. All my resentments trace back to the same source: they didn't meet my expectations.
One source of frustration we seldom recognize is in expecting too much of others or expecting too specifically what we feel they ought to be say give or do. Expecting too much or too specifically. This describes every resentment I'm holding. I expected my daughter to parent exactly as I would. I expected my friend to read my mind about what I needed. I expected my sponsor to be available whenever I wanted. These weren't reasonable expectations - they were detailed scripts I wrote for others to perform.
And when they didn't perform as I expected I felt harmed. But the harm wasn't them doing something to me. The harm was me expecting too much too specifically and then resenting them for being themselves instead of who I demanded they be. This reveals people I need to put on my Step Eight list not because they harmed me but because I harmed them through my unreasonable expectations, resentment and attempts to control who they should be.
Practice
I can review my resentment list and ask: Was I expecting too much or too specifically? Did I write a script for how they should be and resent them for not performing it? If yes, they go on my Step Eight list - not because they harmed me but because I harmed them with my unreasonable expectations and resulting resentment.
Today’s Reminder
My expectations created my resentment not their behavior.
