Turning to My Higher Power

When old insane thinking returns—and it does return—I have a practice now. I turn to my Higher Power and repeat Step Two. I remind myself: I am powerless over this situation, and a Power greater than myself can restore me to sanity about it. That simple return to the Step grounds me when I'm spinning.

The temptation is to think I've failed when insane thinking returns. I worked the Steps. I've been in the program for years. Shouldn't I be past this by now? But recovery isn't about never having insane thoughts again. It's about having tools to redirect when those thoughts arise. And the most powerful tool I have is turning to my Higher Power.

Turning to my Higher Power looks different depending on the day. Sometimes it's formal prayer. Sometimes it's a desperate Help me in the middle of chaos. Sometimes it's sitting in silence until the spinning in my head slows down. What matters isn't the form—it's the practice of acknowledging I need help beyond myself and reaching for that help.

This repeated turning to my Higher Power has strengthened my faith more than anything else. Each time I turn and find help available, I trust a little more. Each time the insane thinking loses its grip when I reach for my Higher Power, I believe a little deeper. The practice itself builds the faith.