After Step Five, many of us feel both lighter and exposed. We have named our patterns, fears, and defenses and shared them with God, ourselves, and another person. We may feel relief, but we may also feel vulnerable. Now that we see our defects of character more clearly, a new question arises: what do we want to do with them? Step Six meets us right there. It doesn’t ask us to change ourselves. It asks whether we are willing to let a Power greater than ourselves change us.
For people who have lived with alcoholism, this can be unsettling. Our character defects often grew out of genuine attempts to survive. Controlling, people‑pleasing, perfectionism, and resentment once seemed to protect us. Letting them go can feel risky, even if they are now causing pain. Step Six acknowledges this tension. It invites us to become ready for real change, knowing that readiness itself is a spiritual process.
What Step Six Really Asks
Step Six is easy to misunderstand if we rush past the wording. It does not say, “We removed all these defects of character.” It says we were entirely ready to have God remove them. Our task is to become willing and open; the actual work of transforming our defects belongs to our Higher Power.
This means we don’t force ourselves into instant perfection. We don’t try to become flawless by sheer effort. Instead, we admit that our ways of thinking and reacting are limited and often harmful, and we invite a caring Power to work within us. Readiness is about saying, “I’m willing for this to change,” even if we don’t yet know what we’ll be like without that defect.
Seeing the Cost and the Payoff
To become ready, we often need to see both sides of our defects. On one side is the payoff. Control can make us feel safer. Resentment can make us feel strong instead of vulnerable. People‑pleasing can help us avoid conflict. Perfectionism can give us a sense of worth. Many of these traits developed when we felt powerless and afraid; they helped us cope the best way we knew how.
On the other side is the cost. Control can damage relationships and leave us exhausted. Resentment can keep us tied to old hurts and block forgiveness and healing. People‑pleasing can erase our own needs and build quiet anger. Perfectionism can keep us stuck, never feeling good enough. In Step Six, we take an honest look at both sides. We begin to notice where our defects hurt us more than they help, and where clinging to them keeps us from the peace we say we want.
Sometimes pain becomes our teacher. When the pain of staying the same grows stronger than the fear of change, we edge closer to readiness.
Ambivalence — Wanting Change, Fearing Change
It is completely normal to feel divided in Step Six. Part of us longs for freedom from old patterns. Another part clings tightly to what is familiar. We may think, “I want to stop trying to control everything,” while also thinking, “If I don’t, everything will fall apart.” Or we may say, “I want to let go of this anger,” while feeling that anger is the only thing protecting us.
Step Six doesn’t demand that we erase this ambivalence. Instead, it invites us to bring it into the open—with our Higher Power, with a sponsor, and with ourselves. When we admit, “I’m afraid to let this go,” we have already begun to loosen its hold. Readiness often begins as the willingness to be honest about our resistance.
Readiness as a Process, Not a Switch
The phrase “entirely ready” can sound intimidating, as if we must achieve a perfect state of willingness. In practice, readiness grows over time. We might feel very ready to have one defect removed—say, constant rescuing—while still hesitant about another, like perfectionism. That is all right. Step Six can be worked one area at a time.
Sometimes we notice that a defect shows up in particular situations. We may not be ready to let go of all controlling behavior, but we might become willing to stop giving unsolicited advice in one relationship. As we see the benefits of that change, our readiness expands. Progress, not perfection, guides this Step. We become more ready, not suddenly and completely ready.
Our Part and God’s Part
Step Six helps us clarify the division of labor between ourselves and our Higher Power. Our part is to notice our character defects, acknowledge the harm they cause, and ask for the willingness to let them go. God’s part—however we understand God—is the actual removal or transformation of those defects.
When we forget this, we can easily fall back into old patterns of self‑reliance. We may try to “fix” ourselves by force, only to end up discouraged or ashamed when we fall short. Step Six reminds us that self‑perfection is not the goal. Cooperation with our Higher Power is. We bring our willingness; our Higher Power brings the healing.
This is where our earlier steps support us. In Step Three, we turned our will and lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Step Six extends that trust into our inner life. We now say, in effect, “I am willing for You to change the parts of me that I cannot change on my own.”
Practical Expressions of Readiness
Readiness often shows up in simple, practical ways. We might begin to pray specifically about a certain defect: “Please help me become willing to let go of my need to control,” or “Help me be ready to release this resentment.” Even if we don’t yet feel fully willing, we can honestly ask for the desire to grow.
We might also “act as if” we are ready. For example, if we are prone to interrupting or correcting others, we can practice pausing and listening instead, asking for help in that moment. If we tend to rescue others from consequences, we can try stepping back once, while praying for courage. These small actions are not about earning change. They are how we cooperate with the change our Higher Power is already working in us.
Talking with a sponsor can also deepen readiness. Sharing where we still cling to certain defects—and why—can bring new understanding and compassion. A sponsor may help us see both the fear and the possibility in letting go, and remind us that we are not alone in this struggle.
Spiritual Principles at Work
Several spiritual principles are alive in Step Six. Willingness is at the center: the desire, however small, to allow our Higher Power to do for us what we cannot do alone. Humility is present when we admit that our way has limits and that we need help. Honesty continues as we face the truth about the effects of our defects. Trust grows as we hand over more of ourselves and see gentle change unfold.
As we lean into these principles, our resistance softens. We may still feel afraid, but we are less ruled by that fear. We begin to see that letting go of old behaviors does not leave us empty; it makes room for new qualities—patience, kindness, courage, self‑respect—to emerge.
Looking Ahead — Preparing for Step Seven
Step Six does not complete the work of transformation. It prepares the way. By becoming entirely ready, as best we can, we clear the ground of stubborn resistance. We open ourselves to Step Seven, where we humbly ask our Higher Power to remove our shortcomings.
This Step is a turning of the heart. We move from simply knowing about our defects to being willing to live without them. That willingness is itself a sign of growth. It shows that our trust in a caring Power is deepening and that we no longer want to be driven by the same old patterns.
We don’t have to be fearless to be ready. We only have to be honest, willing, and open to the care that has been guiding us since we first walked into Al‑Anon. Step Six invites us into that openness, one defect, one prayer, and one act of willingness at a time.
