Understanding Made It Easy
Once I understood Him, the decision to turn my will and my life over to Him was easy.
For a long time, I thought my problem with Step 3 was willingness. I assumed I wasn't ready, wasn't spiritual enough, wasn't trying hard enough. But willingness wasn't the obstacle. My understanding was.
The Higher Power I was trying to surrender to was one I'd built from old fears — a God who kept score, who demanded perfection, who would use my vulnerability against me. No wonder I resisted. That's not trust. That's self-preservation.
The shift came slowly. Through meetings, through prayer, through honest conversations I didn't want to have. I began to experience something different — a Higher Power more interested in my growth than my performance. Surrender didn't require more courage. It required a safer understanding of who I was surrendering to.
If I'm still fighting Step 3, maybe the question isn't "why can't I let go?" Maybe it's "what do I believe about who's catching me?"
I can write down what I actually believe about my Higher Power today — not what I think I should believe. If what I find on the page looks more like fear than trust, that's not failure. That's the starting point.
