Totally Willing

Last week I prayed Step Seven with conditions built right in. Remove my controlling, I asked, just not the kind I need for emergencies. Take my people-pleasing, but let me keep the version that prevents conflict. I was asking for God’s help while deciding which defects deserved removal.

The problem is this: I don’t just think these defects protect me. My actions prove I believe it. I control situations because I’m convinced it keeps things from falling apart. I people-please because I’ve learned that staying small prevents people from getting angry. My defects have become survival tools in my own mind.

But they don’t work. Control exhausts me instead of protecting me. People-pleasing makes me resentful, not safe. Years of my own effort have only cycled these patterns tighter. Real willingness means seeing this clearly: I cannot progress on my own power. My defects are not tools I need to keep—they’re weights I’ve confused with shields. Asking God to remove them while I negotiate to keep them isn’t prayer. It’s me trying to run both the show and God’s job. Total willingness means putting it all down, even my fear of what happens when I do.