The Risk of Disapproval
My recovery required that I be willing to risk some others' disapproval in order to gain my own.
I spent years as a "chameleon" at family gatherings, monitoring the room’s temperature to ensure no one was unhappy with me. I laughed at jokes that weren’t funny and stayed silent when my boundaries were crossed, all to avoid a certain "look" of disapproval from my mother or siblings. I reshaped my opinions and my schedule so often I forgot I had an original shape underneath. I was well-liked, and I was completely invisible.
At our last Sunday dinner, I practiced a new risk. When the conversation turned to gossip about a relative, I didn't join in. When I was pressured to stay late despite being exhausted, I said, "I’m going home now; I need the rest." The room got quiet. The discomfort was thick, and I felt the old urge to apologize and stay. But as I drove home, I realized I hadn't traded my peace for their approval. For the first time, I was taking home the same person I brought with me.
Identify one "yes" you are planning to give today solely to avoid someone’s disappointment. Change it to a "no" or a "not today."
