Step Eight

By the time I got to Step 8, I felt like I was standing at the edge of a high dive. My first instinct was to reach for my "scorecard"—that mental list I kept of every way I’d been harmed by the alcoholic. I thought, “Sure, I was difficult, but look what I was dealing with!” But in Al-Anon, we learn that Step 8 is the place where we finally drop the heavy armor of blame. For years, I used blame as a shield to avoid looking at myself. It was a habit that kept me stuck in the role of a victim, but it also kept me from growing.

The real work of this Step is making an honest list that is completely free of justification or rationalization. In the rooms, we’re taught that a "yes, but..." is just a way of hiding from the truth. If I’m still explaining why I was manipulative or cold because of someone else’s drinking, I’m not really taking ownership. This Step is an education in radical accountability. It’s about focusing exclusively on what I’ve done, not what was done to me. I had to realize that even if I was only 10% wrong in a situation, I am 100% responsible for my 10%.

The emotional shift here is moving from self-righteousness to a quiet clarity. When I stop using the alcoholic’s behavior to justify my own, I actually get my power back. I’m no longer a puppet reacting to someone else; I’m a person taking responsibility for my own character. The spiritual principle here is accountability. It’s about cleaning the lens of my own soul. By the time I finished my list, I felt lighter. I wasn't just listing mistakes; I was clearing the wreckage of my past so I could finally walk forward with a clean conscience.