Step Three

I used to think a "spiritual awakening" was going to be a lightning-bolt moment—something dramatic that would suddenly turn me into a saint. But after walking this path for a long time, I’ve realized that for most of us, the awakening is a "slow-burn" change. It’s the quiet realization that I haven’t checked the alcoholic’s bank account in a month, or that I can stay calm even when the house is in chaos. The miracle isn't that the world changed; it’s that I changed.

One of the most profound parts of this Step is the discovery that the "worst" parts of my past—the moments I was most ashamed of—are now my greatest assets. In the rooms, we learn that our past is the only thing we have that can truly reach a person who is still suffering. When I share about my rock bottoms, my manipulations, or my deepest despairs, and I see a newcomer nod in recognition, that old shame finally loses its power. Using my past to help someone else is the ultimate way of forgiving myself. It transforms my "scars" into "roadmaps" for others.

This Step is also where my self-worth finally began to take root. For years, the disease told me I was a failure, a victim, or a "fixer" who couldn't fix anything. But by carrying the message, I realized I have something of immense value to offer. Being of service—whether it’s sponsoring someone or just making the coffee—reminds me that I am a person of substance and purpose. My value is no longer tied to the alcoholic's sobriety; it's tied to my willingness to show up and be honest.

The real challenge of Step 12 is the last part: "to practice these principles in all our affairs." It’s easy to be a "good Al-Anon" in a meeting. It’s a lot harder to practice patience in a traffic jam or to use Step 10 during a difficult meeting at work. This is where the program becomes a way of life rather than just a weekly hobby.

The spiritual principle here is service. I’ve learned that the best way to keep the serenity I’ve found is to give it away. After 30 years, I’m still just a student. But by staying active in the steps and sharing the journey, I stay grounded in the truth: I am not alone, I am worthy, and there is always hope.