Step Eleven

Before Al-Anon, my "prayer life" was basically a frantic shopping list. I’d spend my time telling God exactly how to fix the alcoholic, how to handle my boss, and how to change my life. It was a one-way shout into the void. Step 11 is where we stop talking at our Higher Power and start building a relationship with Him. It’s the education of the spirit; we learn that if prayer is us talking, meditation is us listening.

The best advice I ever got for this Step was to "take it easy." I used to think I had to be a Zen master sitting in perfect silence for an hour to "do it right." Now, I just tell myself I’m going to spend ten minutes—sometimes even just two or three—away from the noise. I find a quiet spot, close my eyes, and just show up. The most freeing part of this Step is the "no judging" rule. There is no such thing as meditating "wrong." If my mind wanders to my grocery list twenty times and I bring it back twenty times, that’s twenty times I’ve practiced returning to my Higher Power.

In How Al-Anon Works, we’re reminded that we pray "only" for two things: knowledge of His will and the power to carry it out. That "only" is a huge relief. It means I don't have to figure out the solutions anymore. I don't have to play detective or master strategist. I just ask to be shown the next right step and for the strength to take it.

The spiritual principle here is spiritual awareness. By taking those ten minutes away from the "noise" of the disease, I’m clearing the static so I can hear the "still, small voice" of guidance. Step 11 doesn't necessarily change the situation around me, but it changes me within the situation. It gives me a pocket of serenity that I can carry into the chaos of the day, knowing I’m not walking through it alone.