Letting Go of the Result
If we have any expectations of the response to amends, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment.
Expectations are resentments under construction. When I made my first major amend, I played out the scenario in my head where the other person hugged me and told me I was forgiven. When they actually responded with cold indifference, I felt cheated. I felt like I had paid for a product I didn't receive. That revealed my motive: I wasn't there to clean my side of the street; I was there to buy their approval.
Setting myself up for disappointment is a choice I make when I attach strings to my recovery. To work this Step honestly, I have to cut the cord between my action and their reaction. This is spiritually difficult. It requires me to trust that my Higher Power sees my heart, even if the person I harmed does not. My serenity must come from my own integrity, not from their acceptance.
After making an amend or doing a good deed today, I can visualize cutting a cord between me and the other person's reaction. I can say to myself, 'I have done my part. The rest is none of my business.' If I obsess, I will call a program friend.
