More Than Sorry
In making amends, we need to understand that we are not necessarily making an apology.
I used to think saying 'I'm sorry' was the magic eraser. I would explode in anger, say I was sorry, and expect life to return to normal. But my family didn't trust my apologies because my behavior didn't change. I was using apologies to buy immediate relief from my own guilt, not to repair the relationship. That is manipulation, not recovery.
Understanding that amends are not just apologies changed everything. It meant I had to ask, 'What can I do to make this right?' sometimes the answer was to give them space, pay back money, or simply stop talking. This feels heavier than a quick apology because it requires labor. It requires me to sit with the reality that my words have lost value and only action can restore it. I have to earn trust back, one action at a time.
Instead of saying 'I'm sorry' for a recurring issue today, I can ask the person, 'What can I do differently next time to support you?' When they answer, I can write it down and commit to that specific action.
