Balancing Responsibility
Tradition Nine helps me learn to balance responsibility, to define my own and others' responsibilities and to follow up on my part in any task.
Before Al-Anon, I had two modes of responsibility: either I took on everything—the martyr—or I took on nothing—the victim. There was no middle ground, no healthy boundary. Tradition Nine helped me learn to balance responsibility by defining my own role and others' roles in service. When I over-functioned, I enabled others to under-function; my helpfulness became a barrier to their growth.
This principle costs me the payoff of martyrdom, which is the subtle attention I get for being 'the only one who cares.' But the payoff is true clarity and peace. I learn to follow up on my part without taking over their part. The vulnerability here is admitting that I am neither savior nor scapegoat; I am simply a willing servant doing one job well. This honesty creates a dynamic of true cooperation, both in service and at home.
Before saying yes to a new commitment today, I will write down: 1) My exact responsibility; 2) What is not my responsibility. If the boundaries are blurry, I will negotiate or say no.
