Loving in the Present
Some of our actions cannot be undone. If in our bitterness and frustration we neglected our loved ones, we cannot change our past behavior, but we can pay attention today by being more loving.
There are actions I took in my past bitterness that cannot be undone. I neglected my children when they were small, lost in the noise of the family disease. I cannot go back and change those lost hours. When I tried to intellectualize this fact, I felt despair. My despair made me want to give up on the whole process.
Step Nine teaches me that I don't mitigate the past by reliving the guilt; I mitigate it by radically changing the present. If I neglected my loved ones then, I must pay attention today by being loving. It is a daily, conscious act of redirection. I choose to put my emotional energy into creating new, positive memories, rather than spending it on lamenting the old, painful ones. This ongoing effort is how God reweaves the damaged threads of the past.
Today, I can make a specific time-bound commitment: for 30 minutes tonight, I will put my phone away and give my undivided, loving attention to a family member, listening without interrupting or solving a problem.
