The Softening of Resentment

Before Al-Anon, I clung to resentments like a security blanket. They felt like protection; they justified my anger and shielded me from feeling pain. I thought if I let go of the anger, I was letting the other person off the hook. I didn't realize the hook was entirely in my own mouth.

Working the amends process, even just the willingness to approach people I resented, started to change me. Amazingly, the feeling of resentment didn’t soften because the other person changed; it softened as I let go. The weight of that anger was mine, and releasing it was a spiritual choice. It cost me the comfort of feeling perpetually wronged, but I gained an lightness that is priceless. I realized that forgiveness is primarily a gift I give to myself, not a transaction with another person.

When a past resentment pops up today, I can mentally visualize placing that feeling—heavy, dark, and hot—into the hands of my Higher Power. I can ask for that softening, reminding myself that letting go is an act of spiritual self-care.