Courteous, Accepting, Respectful

I once had a very disagreeable person on my amends list—someone who had also harmed me greatly. My resentment toward them was a heavy comfort; it made me feel justified in my past actions. When Step Nine came up, my first impulse was to wait until they apologized to me. My pride demanded reciprocity.

But the spiritual task here is to clean my side of the street, regardless of the condition of theirs. My future interactions with them were not about getting a fair exchange; they were about maintaining my own serenity. Being accepting, courteous, and respectful is the only way I can protect my peace. It costs me the satisfying drama of conflict, but the payoff is that I no longer carry their behavior inside me. I am practicing non-engagement with resentment, and that practice is an amend to myself.

Today, if I encounter a person who triggers my impatience or resentment, I can pause and consciously choose one of the three actions: acceptance, courtesy, or respect. I will make eye contact, offer one respectful sentence, and then disengage peacefully.