The Lie of Habitual Apologies
If we say we are sorry for being late to work and keep coming in late, we have not amended our behavior.
I used to be famous for being late. I would rush in, breathless, offering a bouquet of excuses and a sincere 'I'm so sorry!' I thought my sincerity counted for something. But after the tenth time, my 'sorry' became an insult. It told people, 'I value my lack of discipline more than I value your time.' The words were a cover-up for my refusal to change.
True amends meant I had to stop saying sorry and start setting my alarm earlier. It meant leaving the house before I felt ready. The cost was my comfort and my adrenaline rush of living on the edge. But the spiritual principle is honesty. If I say I'm sorry but don't change, I am lying. Today, I try to let my punctuality speak for me. It is a boring, quiet way to say 'I respect you,' but it is the only one that counts.
If I am habitually late or unreliable in a specific area, I can set a timer on my phone for 15 minutes earlier than I think I need today. When the alarm goes off, I can stop what I'm doing and leave, treating the alarm as a promise I made to my Higher Power.
