The Authority to Crash
A worker is empowered when given the responsibility to do a job, as well as the carefully defined authority to do it.
When my partner offered to take over our household budget, my first instinct was to share every meticulous detail. For years, I’ve managed this task, convinced only I could do it "right." I found myself listing specific expectations, and I could almost see the familiar tension building in his shoulders as I spoke. It felt like I was handing him the reins, then immediately pulling them back.
In that moment of seeing his reaction, I recognized my own pattern of control. I was setting him up for the same frustration I’d often felt when trying to manage others. Al-Anon has shown me that true empowerment means giving someone not just a task, but also the space and trust to carry it out in their own way. This was a clear echo of how authority must accompany responsibility, a principle I’d heard in Al-Anon service work.
Letting go of my need to control felt surprisingly liberating. I handed him the budget and simply said, "It's yours. I trust you to manage it." This simple act was about stepping back and trusting his capabilities, and in a deeper sense, trusting that things would be okay, even if not done exactly my way. It was a leap of faith, not just in him, but in myself and the wisdom of my program.
When I'm tempted to intervene in someone's decisions, I can pause and ask: Am I giving them responsibility without authority? Am I trusting them with their own life, or just with my version of their life? Can I practice standing back in one situation today, even if it means watching them make a mistake? What if the authority to fail is the only way they learn to succeed?
