Powerlessness Over Others
I needed to recognize my powerlessness over other people.
The core insanity of my previous life was the belief that if I worried hard enough, controlled fiercely enough, or suffered visibly enough, I could change other people. I truly believed I could influence their choices, much like a meticulous gardener might try to sculpt an oak tree into a bonsai—an impossible and ultimately futile endeavor. Step Ten showed me what I needed: to recognize my powerlessness over other people. This is the constant anchor of the maintenance Step.
Every time I take inventory and feel fear or frustration, I have to check: Am I trying to exert control where I have none? This daily recognition costs me my self-imposed burden of responsibility for other adults. The spiritual payoff is the return of my focus to the only thing I can control: myself. The simple truth of powerlessness is the first principle I apply every time I check my side of the street.
When a loved one makes a baffling decision today, I will stop the mental inventory of their defects. I will instead focus on Step One: 'I am powerless over them, and my life is unmanageable when I try to manage theirs.'
