Avoiding the Pain of Shortcomings
Because we have experienced the pain caused by our shortcomings, we do not want to return to them.
The pain caused by my shortcomings—the arguments, the sleepless nights, the anxiety—was once a chronic condition. Step Ten gives me a powerful incentive to avoid returning to those old behaviors: the memory of that pain. I don't avoid the defect because I'm suddenly perfect; I avoid it because I know exactly how much it costs me.
This memory acts as a spiritual deterrent. It shifts my motivation from "I should do better" (which is moralistic) to "I don't want to feel that way again" (which is practical). This Step is a gift of self-preservation. It teaches me to recognize the early warning signs of a pending character defect and turn back before I have to pay the emotional price again. My pain becomes my teacher, not my jailer.
When I am tempted to act on an old defect (like seeking control), I will pause and mentally review the three worst consequences that action has caused in the past. I will use the memory of that pain to choose the better, though harder, path.
