Allowing Consequences
We can let other people gain the benefits and suffer the consequences of their own decisions.
My disease taught me that my job was to manage, rescue, and control the consequences of everyone else's poor decisions. Step Ten helps maintain the spiritual boundary that allows others to gain the benefits and suffer the consequences of their own decisions. This is detachment in action. It’s hard because my ego whispers that if I don't step in, I am not caring enough.
This boundary costs me the sense of power I get from being the indispensable savior. But the spiritual payoff is two-fold: I protect myself from emotional burnout, and I grant the other person the dignity of growth. I am trusting my Higher Power to be their teacher through natural consequences, rather than trying to micromanage their fate. This is the hardest form of love.
When I see someone I love about to make a poor choice today, I will pause and say the Serenity Prayer. I will consciously visualize placing the outcome into God's hands and will only offer help if directly asked, and if doing so does not enable.
