Measuring Success
We can accept that each time we feel even slightly more sane or loving, it is a response to our prayers and meditation.
How do I know if prayer is working? I used to look at the external results. Did he stop drinking? Did I get the raise? If the answer was no, I thought prayer failed. But Step Eleven redefines the metrics of success. The result isn't a changed world; it's a changed me.
If I can pause before screaming—that's a response to prayer. If I feel a split second of compassion for someone I hate—that's the meditation working. If I feel slightly more sane in the midst of the asylum—that is the miracle. These internal shifts are subtle, but they are the real gold. I need to stop looking for fireworks and start noticing the quiet dawn of sanity. I am becoming a person who can handle life, and that is the greatest answer to prayer I could receive.
I can end my day by recording 'wins' of sanity. I will write down one moment where I reacted differently than I would have a year ago. I will credit this change to my Step Eleven practice.
