Two-Way Communication
An important note to make is that this Step guides us with the words prayer and meditation, not prayer or meditation.
I am excellent at the talking part of Step Eleven. I can list my grievances, my fears, and my instructions to God all day long. But the listening? That terrifies me. If I stop talking, I have to sit with the silence, and in that silence, I might hear things I don't want to hear—like the nudging to let go of an resentment I'm enjoying, or the truth about my own behavior.
Working Step Eleven means accepting that prayer is only half the equation. Meditation—the listening—is where the surrender happens. Last week, I spent twenty minutes 'प्रaying' which was really just worrying out loud at God. When I finally stopped and took a breath, the answer wasn't a voice, but a sudden drop in my anxiety levels. The silence wasn't empty; it was full of the peace I had been shouting for. I realized that my constant talking was a way to control the conversation, keeping God at arm's length while pretending to seek Him.
I can set a timer for three minutes today. During this time, I am not allowed to ask for anything or explain anything to God. I will only sit and listen. If my mind races, I will visualize myself sitting in a chair opposite my Higher Power, waiting for them to speak first.
