Doormat or Disciple?
Before recovery some of us accepted unacceptable behavior in others, believing we were doing God’s will.
Before Al-Anon, I thought being 'good' meant never saying no. I accepted abuse, lies, and chaos because I thought turning the other cheek was God's will. I confused cowardice with spirituality. I used 'God's will' as an excuse to avoid the terrifying work of setting boundaries. It was easier to say 'I'm bearing my cross' than to say 'I will not accept this behavior.'
Recovery has taught me that God does not want me to be a victim. Step Eleven helps me discern the difference between compassionate patience and enabling fear. Sometimes, God's will is for me to stand up, speak out, or walk away. It takes much more spiritual courage to set a boundary than to silently resent someone while pretending to be a martyr. My Higher Power wants me whole, not flattened.
I can review a situation where I am feeling used or resentful. I will ask myself: 'Am I accepting this because it is spiritual, or because I am afraid of the conflict that would come from stopping it?' I will pray for the courage to distinguish fear from faith.
