The Evolution of Trust
The relationship we have with the God of our understanding, compared to when we first walked through the doors of Al-Anon, is now more powerful as the result of our experience in working Steps One through Ten.
For years, my relationship with God was transactional. I treated my Higher Power like a vending machine: I put in good behavior and prayers, and I expected safety and sobriety for my loved ones in return. When the machine didn't dispense what I wanted, I felt cheated and abandoned. Step Eleven requires a shift from transaction to relationship.
Recently, I found myself bargaining again—promising to be extra kind if a certain crisis would just resolve. I had to stop and laugh at my own arrogance. Today, the power of my relationship with God isn't based on getting my way. It is based on the quiet knowledge that I am not alone in the chaos. The relationship has moved from 'Fix this for me' to 'Walk through this with me.' The power I find in Step Eleven isn't the power to change outcomes; it is the power to endure them with dignity.
When I catch myself bargaining in prayer today, I can change my phrasing. Instead of 'Please make this happen,' I can say, 'Please show me how to handle whatever happens.'
