Stripping Away Excuses
When we look at ourselves with complete honesty, stripping away excuses and the blaming of others for our behavior, we become aware of how much we deluded and justified ourselves.
Yesterday I was reviewing my Step Four inventory and caught myself mid-sentence: "I only yelled at him because he came home drunk again." There it was—the word "because." Every character defect in my inventory had one. "I'm controlling because she's irresponsible." "I'm bitter because he ruined our family." "I isolate because no one understands."
Each "because" felt like honesty. I was naming the truth about what happened, wasn't I? But really, each "because" was a detour around responsibility. It let me acknowledge my behavior while keeping the blame safely on someone else.
So I went back through my inventory and rewrote every sentence, removing the "because" clauses. "I yelled." "I tried to control the situation." "I withdrew in resentment." Without the excuses, I could finally see the pattern clearly. And for the first time, I could ask the real question: Why do I respond this way? Not why did they deserve it, but what in me reaches for anger, control, or withdrawal?
The excuses kept me stuck. The honest questions opened a path forward.
When I notice myself blaming someone else for my reaction, I can pause and ask: "What need am I trying to meet with this behavior?" Then I can find a healthier way to meet that need and experience the peace that excuses never bring.
