Growing Compassion
Understanding his or her confusion, guilt and defeat helps us to grow more compassionate.
This morning I was reading Tradition Five and something shifted in how I see the alcoholic. I've been so focused on what they've done to me – the lies the broken promises the chaos the pain. But when I read about understanding their confusion guilt and defeat I remembered: they're suffering too. Differently than me but genuinely.
Understanding his or her confusion guilt and defeat helps us to grow more compassionate. The alcoholic isn't just inflicting pain carelessly. They're confused about why they can't stop. They're guilty about the harm they're causing. They're defeated by a disease they can't control. Understanding this doesn't excuse the behavior – but it creates space for compassion.
Growing more compassionate doesn't mean I accept unacceptable behavior or abandon my boundaries. It means I can hold two truths: they're causing harm and they're suffering. The disease is hurting them too even as it hurts everyone around them.
This compassion is for my healing not for their benefit. When I can understand their confusion guilt and defeat I'm less consumed by resentment. The compassion sets me free.
When resentment toward the alcoholic grips me, I can pause and remember: they're confused about why they can't stop, guilty about the harm they cause, defeated by the disease. This understanding doesn't excuse the behavior, but it creates space for compassion that frees me from consuming resentment.
