The Most Difficult Part

I've been working my program diligently for two years now. I attend meetings regularly. I have a sponsor. I work the Steps. I practice the principles. But there's one thing I still struggle with deeply – having any compassion for the alcoholic. I can be compassionate toward myself toward other Al-Anon members. But the alcoholic? That's where my compassion runs out.

Encouraging and understanding the alcoholic can be the most difficult part of Tradition Five for me. Reading this was validating and challenging at the same time. Validating because I'm not alone in finding this difficult. Challenging because it names what I need to work on. Tradition Five asks me to extend encouragement and understanding to the alcoholic – not just to myself and other family members.

This is hard because the alcoholic caused so much pain. How do I encourage someone whose behavior devastated our family? How do I understand someone who keeps choosing drinking over everyone they claim to love? The resentment feels justified. The lack of compassion feels earned.

But Tradition Five asks me to stretch beyond justified resentment toward compassion anyway. Not for their sake – for mine.

I can practice one small act of compassion toward the alcoholic today – not because they deserve it or because it will change them, but because holding onto resentment hurts me. Even acknowledging that they're struggling with a disease is a step toward the understanding Tradition Five asks of me.