Cleaning the House

Last night I was putting off cleaning my house. The mess had accumulated for weeks and I knew once I started I'd find things I'd forgotten about – expired food in the back of the fridge moldy coffee cups under the couch dust everywhere. The anticipation of seeing all that mess felt worse than the actual mess itself.

The fear I felt prior to taking Steps Four and Five was like cleaning my house. This comparison is perfect. The fear before starting is often worse than the actual experience. I imagine it will be catastrophic – that I'll find things too terrible to face that the mess will be overwhelming that I'll never get through it all.

But when I actually start cleaning I discover it's manageable. Yes there's mess. Yes some of it is unpleasant. But it's not as catastrophic as I imagined. And with each thing I clean I feel lighter. The house becomes more livable. The fear that kept me from starting was worse than the actual work.

Step Five is the same. The anticipation and fear feel overwhelming. But the actual experience – while challenging – brings relief not catastrophe.

If fear of Step Five is keeping me stuck, I can remember: the anticipation is usually worse than the reality. Just like putting off cleaning makes the task feel impossible, putting off Step Five makes the fear grow. I can set the date and trust that doing it will be less overwhelming than dreading it.