Exact Nature of Wrongs
It is important to explore not only the list of events, but also the 'exact nature of our wrongs.'
When I first looked at Step Five I focused on the list of events. The things I'd done wrong. The mistakes I'd made. The harms I'd caused. I thought Step Five meant confessing a list of bad behaviors. But my sponsor pushed me to go deeper.
It is important to explore not only the list of events but also the exact nature of our wrongs. The exact nature – not just what I did but why. Not just the behavior but the character defect underneath it. Not just the event but the pattern it reveals.
This distinction transforms Step Five from a confession into an examination. Yes I was controlling with my adult child – but the exact nature of that wrong is that I don't trust them to make their own decisions. Yes I was dishonest with my partner – but the exact nature is that I value peace over truth. The events are symptoms. The exact nature is the disease.
Exploring the exact nature helps me understand what needs to change. The events are in the past. The exact nature is still operating. That's what I need to face in Step Five.
As I prepare for Step Five, I can go through my inventory and add a sentence after each item: The exact nature of this wrong is... This helps me move from listing events to understanding patterns. The pattern is what I need to share and what needs to change.
