Defenses That No Longer Serve
The defenses we learned served us well in alcoholic and other unhealthy situations, but now they keep us from living happily and serenely.
Before recovery I was proud of my defenses. I could deflect criticism with humor. I could avoid vulnerability by staying busy. I could prevent rejection by never letting anyone close enough to matter. These defenses kept me safe – or so I thought.
The defenses we learned served us well in alcoholic and other unhealthy situations but now they keep us from living happily and serenely. This truth is both validating and challenging. My defenses aren't character flaws – they're survival skills I developed in impossible situations. They served me well when I needed protection.
But now they're barriers. The humor that deflects criticism also deflects intimacy. The busyness that avoids vulnerability also avoids connection. The walls that prevent rejection also prevent love. What protected me in crisis now isolates me in recovery.
Step Five asks me to lower these defenses long enough to be truly known. To stop deflecting and avoiding and protecting. To risk being seen without the armor I've worn for so long.
I can identify one defense I use regularly – humor, busyness, deflection, intellectualizing. Then I can notice when I use it today and ask: Is this defense serving me now or is it keeping me from connection? In Step Five, I practice lowering defenses that no longer serve me.
