The Verdict: You Are Seen
We are not looking for someone to tell us how to handle our problems, but rather for a loving witness who can provide perspective on our spiritual journey.
I grew up expecting judgment. Every confession, every mistake, every vulnerability was evidence to be weighed. The verdict was always guilty or innocent, worthy or unworthy, acceptable or shameful. So I learned to present my case carefully, editing out anything that might condemn me.
But Step Five doesn't ask for a judge. It asks for a witness. Someone who will listen to the full inventory—the ugly parts, the shameful parts, the parts I can barely admit to myself—and simply see me. Not evaluate me. Not fix me. Not even forgive me. Just see me and stay.
The difference is profound. A judge asks, 'Are you guilty?' A witness says, 'I see you.' A judge delivers a verdict. A witness offers presence. The healing isn't in being found innocent—it's in being fully seen and not abandoned.
Al-Anon is teaching me that what I need isn't someone to tell me how to handle my problems or absolve me of my mistakes. What I need is a loving witness who can provide perspective on my spiritual journey by saying the most powerful words in recovery: 'I see you, and I am not leaving.'
When I'm preparing to share my inventory, I can pause and ask: Am I looking for a verdict or for a witness? Can I practice sharing one difficult truth with someone safe, not to be absolved, but to be seen? What if the healing isn't in being declared innocent, but in being fully known and not abandoned?
