The Hardest Admission
Asking for help from a Higher Power is an admission that we cannot do it alone.
Yesterday morning sitting in my car before work I finally said it out loud: I cannot do this alone. Not in some general spiritual sense but about the specific situation consuming me. My partner's drinking has escalated again and I've been white-knuckling my way through determined to handle it myself.
Asking for help from a Higher Power is an admission that I cannot do it alone. That sentence stops me every time because it's so absolutely true and so hard to accept. I've built my entire identity around being capable strong self-sufficient. Admitting I can't do something feels like admitting defeat.
But in the car yesterday defeat felt different. It felt like honesty. I cannot make my partner stop drinking. I cannot protect everyone from the consequences. I cannot hold this marriage together by sheer force of will. I've been trying and trying and I'm failing because the task is impossible. Not impossible for me – impossible for anyone.
That's when I finally understood what asking for help means. It's recognizing that some things are beyond human control entirely and trying to do them alone just prolongs the suffering. Help isn't a backup plan for when I fail – it's the only plan that ever had a chance.
Today I can ask for the help I need instead of exhausting myself trying to be sufficient.
