Much Different Today
Today the God of my understanding is much different.
The God of my understanding today is much different from the one I started with. When I first came to Al-Anon, I brought a God who was distant, demanding, and disappointed. A God who required perfection and withheld love until I got it right. A God I feared more than trusted. That God couldn't help me with Step Three because I didn't want to turn my will over to someone who seemed determined to make my life harder.
But as I listened in meetings and worked the Steps, my understanding began to shift. I heard others describe a God of compassion, of endless patience, of love without conditions, of help freely given. This was so different from what I'd known that at first I thought they must be talking about something else entirely.
Gradually, I gave myself permission to let my understanding change. To release the punishing God and discover a loving one. To let go of the God of rules and find the God of grace. My Higher Power today offers guidance without manipulation, support without strings, love without requirements.
Today I can reflect on how my understanding of my Higher Power has changed over time. I can ask myself am I now willing to turn my will and my life over to the care of this new Higher Power.
