Not Our Friends

Before recovery I tried to fix my character defects by talking about them endlessly. I'd call friends and process my controlling behavior. I'd discuss my people-pleasing with my therapist. I'd analyze my perfectionism with anyone who would listen. I thought if I could just understand these patterns well enough I could talk myself out of them.

Spiritually we are faced with asking our Higher Power – not our friends Al-Anon members minister or sponsor – to help us. This distinction clarified something crucial. Friends can support me. My sponsor can guide me. But none of them can remove my character defects. That's between me and God. This is spiritual work that happens in relationship with my Higher Power not through processing with other people.

This doesn't mean I stop talking to my sponsor or attending meetings. But it means I recognize the limits of human help. My sponsor can help me become ready. Friends can encourage me. But the actual removal? That requires me to ask my Higher Power directly. Not indirectly through other people. Direct relationship with God.

Step Six brings me face to face with my Higher Power in a new way.

If I've been trying to get my character defects removed by talking about them endlessly with others, I can redirect that energy toward my Higher Power. Pray directly. Ask God specifically. The removal happens through spiritual relationship not through human processing.