The Defect That Protects Me
With the removal of our character defects, it is up to God.
It's hard to leave it 'up to God' because my character defects work for me. My sharp tongue keeps people at a safe distance. My controlling nature prevents chaos—or at least gives me the illusion that it does. My hypervigilance catches problems before they become disasters. These aren't just flaws; they're my security system.
I'm afraid to let God remove them because I'm not convinced God will protect me as fiercely as my defects do. What if I soften and people hurt me? What if I let go of control and everything falls apart? What if I stop being vigilant and disaster strikes while I'm asleep at the wheel?
This is why Step Six asks for willingness, not action. The action is God's. But the willingness requires me to let go of what my defects have provided: false safety, yes, but also real comfort. They've been my bodyguards, my armor, my early warning system. Letting God remove them feels like disarming in a war zone.
Al-Anon is teaching me that my defects protect me from imaginary threats while isolating me from real connection. The safety they provide is a cage. God removing them isn't abandonment—it's liberation. But I have to be willing to feel exposed first.
When I resist letting God remove a defect, I can pause and ask: What does this trait protect me from? Is the safety it provides real or illusory? Can I identify one way this defect has isolated me while claiming to keep me safe? What if trusting God means being willing to feel temporarily exposed?
