Saying Versus Being
Step Six does not get rid of these defects, it only asks us to become ready.
I told my sponsor yesterday that I'm entirely ready to have God remove my character defects. She asked me to sit with that statement for a moment. Am I actually ready or am I just saying the words because that's what Step Six asks? The question stopped me because I realized there's a gap between saying I'm ready and actually being ready.
Step Six does not get rid of these defects it only asks us to become ready. Only asks – but becoming genuinely ready is harder than I want to admit. I can say I'm ready to let go of controlling while still white-knuckling every situation. I can claim readiness to release people-pleasing while calculating how to keep everyone happy. Saying the words is easy. Actually being ready means feeling the terror of who I'll be without these defects.
What am I getting from controlling? A sense of safety however false. What does people-pleasing provide? Protection from conflict and rejection. These defects have jobs – they're doing something for me. Until I'm willing to lose what they provide I'm not actually ready no matter what words I speak.
Step Six asks me to become ready not just to say I'm ready. There's a difference.
I can examine one character defect and ask honestly: What am I getting from this? What does it provide – safety, control, protection from pain? Until I'm willing to lose that payoff, I'm not actually ready even if I claim to be. Honesty about resistance is more useful than false claims of readiness.
