I Am Not God

Before recovery I operated as if I were in charge of everything – my own transformation other people's behavior the outcome of every situation. I made lists and plans and strategies for how to fix myself and everyone around me. I worked relentlessly at self-improvement believing if I just tried hard enough I could perfect myself.

Then it was pointed out to me that I am not God. Such a simple statement. So obvious when said out loud. But I'd been living as if I were God – as if I could remove my own character defects through willpower as if my effort alone could transform me. I'd forgotten that transformation is God's job not mine.

This reminder is humbling and liberating. Humbling because it confronts my grandiosity – the belief that I can fix myself without divine help. Liberating because it means I can stop the exhausting attempt to be my own Higher Power. I'm not God. God is God. And God is the one who removes character defects not me.

Step Six keeps pointing me back to this truth: my job is readiness. God's job is everything else.

I will trust that God does not remove a defect to leave me empty. I will ask Him to fill the space where my "control" used to live with His peace, knowing that nature abhors a vacuum and Grace fills it.