The Passenger Seat
Throughout the Steps, we are steered to turn to the God of our understanding for guidance and support in our efforts to change.
The word is 'steered,' not 'driven by myself.' This implies I'm not in the driver's seat anymore. For someone who's spent their whole life white-knuckling the wheel, this is both relief and terror.
I tried to force my own spiritual growth. I made plans, set goals, created timelines for my recovery. I would work Step Four by this date, complete my amends by that date, achieve serenity by Q3. I drove myself toward transformation like it was a destination I could map.
But forcing spiritual growth is like trying to make a plant grow faster by pulling on it. It doesn't work. It stunts the process. The paradox is that the harder I tried to control my own recovery, the more stuck I became. I was steering, but I was steering in circles.
Al-Anon is teaching me to move from the driver's seat to the passenger seat. God does the steering; I do the willingness. It's uncomfortable because passengers don't control the speed or route. But it's also liberating—I'm no longer responsible for forcing outcomes I can't manufacture. I just have to show up and trust the direction.
When I notice myself trying to force or control my own spiritual progress, I can pause and ask: Am I driving or being steered? Can I identify one way I'm trying to manufacture an outcome instead of trusting the process? What if moving to the passenger seat isn't losing control but finding the only kind of progress that actually works?
