The Self-Esteem That Survives Defects
In humility we possess self-esteem, accept ourselves as we are, assets and defects alike, and extend the same acceptance to others.
Yesterday my sponsor asked if I could have self-esteem while still possessing character defects. I said no - how can I value myself when I'm controlling and people-pleasing and catastrophizing? She asked: So you'll only have worth once God removes all your defects? What happens to your self-esteem while they're still here?
In humility we possess self-esteem accept ourselves as we are assets and defects alike and extend the same acceptance to others. Accept myself as I am right now - not as I hope to become once God fixes me but as I am with these stubborn defects still operating. This seems impossible. These defects hurt me and others. How can I accept them?
But she explained: accepting yourself doesn't mean accepting the behavior as okay. It means acknowledging you're a person of worth even while imperfect. Your controlling is still here and you still matter. Your people-pleasing activates regularly and you're still valuable. The defects don't erase your worth. Step Seven asks God to remove them from a foundation of self-esteem not self-hatred. I can ask for change while accepting myself as I am today.
I can write three things that are true about my worth right now: I showed up today. I'm doing my best. I matter. Then pray Step Seven from that foundation, not from self-hatred.
