Totally Willing
When we are humble, we are totally willing to accept God's help, knowing that without it we cannot progress further.
Last week I prayed Step Seven but I negotiated with God as I prayed. Please remove my controlling - but I'll need to keep some for emergencies when things really are falling apart. Remove my people-pleasing - except in situations where saying no would create too much conflict. I was asking for help while still trying to control the outcome.
When we are humble we are totally willing to accept God's help knowing that without it we cannot progress further. Totally willing. Not willing-if-God-does-it-my-way. Not willing-except-for-the-defects-I-think-I-still-need. Totally willing to accept God's help however it comes. And knowing - really knowing in my bones not just intellectually agreeing - that without God's help I cannot progress.
This knowing is what terrifies me. Part of me still believes I can progress through determination and effort. But I've tried for years and these defects keep coming back. My controlling doesn't protect me it exhausts me. My people-pleasing doesn't keep me safe it makes me resentful. I cannot progress further on my own power. Total willingness means surrendering even my ideas about how God should help me.
Before I pray Step Seven tonight, I can notice where I'm hedging. Am I asking God to remove my people-pleasing except in difficult situations? I can name the exception out loud, then surrender it: God, I give up controlling how You help me.
