Not Adopting Others' Moods
I don't have to adopt the moods or attitudes of those around me. If someone else is angry, I don't need to be angry, sad or fearful.
Yesterday my partner came home angry about something at work. Within five minutes I was tense and anxious even though nothing had happened to me. I absorbed their anger, made it mine, and spent the evening trying to fix their mood to relieve my own discomfort. This morning I realized I'd completely abandoned my own emotional state.
I don't have to adopt the moods or attitudes of those around me. If someone else is angry I don't need to be angry sad or fearful. Don't have to. Not shouldn't. Not it would be better if I didn't. Don't have to. This is a choice I can make. When my partner is angry I can acknowledge their anger without making it mine. I can have compassion without taking on their emotional state.
Before Al-Anon I thought being close to someone meant feeling what they feel. If they're upset I should be upset. If they're anxious I should be anxious. That's not intimacy - it's enmeshment. I'm learning I can be emotionally self-supporting even in relationships. I can notice my partner is angry without becoming angry myself. I can offer support without abandoning my own peace. Self-supporting doesn't mean isolated. It means maintaining my own emotional center while staying connected to others. That's the balance Tradition Seven teaches.
When someone I care about is upset, I can pause and check: Whose emotion is this? If it's theirs, I can acknowledge it without absorbing it. I can say: I see you're angry and I'm here. But I don't have to become angry too. Staying in my own emotional state while caring about them is emotional self-support.
