When Others Support Us

Before Al-Anon I let my parents pay my rent for three years. They offered. I was struggling. It seemed like help. But it came with strings - comments about my choices, opinions about my life, subtle reminders that they were supporting me. I couldn't say no to their advice without feeling guilty. I couldn't set boundaries without fearing they'd withdraw support. I was trapped.

When we are not self-supporting we can easily become victims to those who support us. Victims. That word felt harsh but it's accurate. I wasn't their victim in the sense of abuse. But I'd given them power over my life by accepting their financial support. Every boundary I needed to set felt impossible because I was dependent on them. Every time I disagreed I felt their money hanging over the conversation.

Tradition Seven taught me I need to be self-supporting in all areas - financially but also emotionally. When I'm not self-supporting I give others power over me. Not because they're bad but because dependency creates imbalance. I finally got a second job and told my parents I'd handle my own rent. The relationship shifted immediately. I could set boundaries without fear. I could disagree without guilt. Self-support isn't just about money. It's about maintaining the freedom to live my own life.

If I'm financially dependent on someone who uses that dependency to influence my choices, I can make a plan toward self-support. Even small steps matter - a part-time job, reducing an expense, building toward independence. The goal isn't rejecting help but maintaining freedom to live my own life.